Not so Far
by Thunder-Nari
Summary: SimonWash slash. Their relationship through the series and straight to the end of the movie. Major spoilers for both as this story follows cannon exactly. Slash and character death.


Yay! Wash/Simon. I love this pairing to death. There needs to be more. This one was written for the Wash Slash ficathon I held a short bit ago. It's only light slash so no worries. There are spoilers for Firefly and for Serenity though.

**Not so Far  
ThunderNari**

_"You don't have to worry about me."  
"Zoe's out on a deal, I always worry. So...it's not out of my way --"  
Simon & Wash; Firefly pilot: Serenity_

It turns into a sort of tradition before either of them even realize that's it's happening. The others go out to strike off a deal and the two of them are always left on the ship. It's risky and neither of them are exactly into the firefights that seem to break out every other time. Simon does whatever it is he does to check or help River and Wash stays firmly planted on his bridge. Never know when he might be needed with Serenity. Another reason he stays behind, Serenity might be needed in a pinch and he'd be needed to fly her. It's not because he'd be useless on the take.

Thoughts that he lets run through his mind every time he's sitting up on the bridge alone, waiting. Always waiting. Except that that's the change. The new ritual. Because once Simon is done with River, he comes up to the bridge and they wait together. Ever since the first time when they didn't know each other and Simon was waiting to be dropped off on Whitefall.

Looks like Simon is still waiting for that sometimes. To be dropped off at the next job site, especially when he's been having a rough day with Mal but Wash expects that it's just harder for Simon to hide it those days.

Wash just keeps worrying for him, it doesn't matter how many times Simon tells him not to. Because despite Simon's words, Wash doesn't miss the little smile that comes with them. So Wash insists that it's not so far out of his way, not so far for him to go.

"Capt'n wouldn't drop you off now. You're part of the crew."

"I think he tells me every other day that I'm not, actually."

"You are, Mal's just a hard man to understand."

"Try impossible. You're not much better. Why dinosaurs?"

Simon is always changing the subject off of himself. Wash allows it, plucks up one of the plastic toys and tosses it to Simon with a grin and shrug. "Wanna play?"

* * *

It turns out it's not so far for Simon to go either. It never occurs to Wash that maybe he could use some worrying over as well. He's always been fine on his bridge. Even if he misses out on things occasionally, he can hear the laughter from the galley or feel the tense silence that runs the whole of the ship when something goes wrong. If he feels a little outside the loop on occasions then that's okay because he's doing his job. And he tries not to feel bitter about it when it seems to slip Zoe's mind that he's up there and waiting.

Again, there's the change and he doesn't even realize it. Simon takes it upon himself to bring a tray of food if he doesn't make it to the table and Zoe forgets. He tells Wash over the intercom what's going on during the tense silence, reassures him that his wife is fine, they all are.

Silence crackles over the comm link after Zoe tells him 'not now'. Even when he's not in the thick of the action, his heart pounds. He heard the gunshots and heard the panic. But he's told 'not now' and that must mean that something pretty bad has happened. He has to do his job and stay on the ship. He can stare out the windscreen but not see a thing of what's going on.

_Wash? Everyone's fine. It's just... No one's hurt._

It's Simon's voice over the comm now and Wash can breathe in relief. He's still not sure what's going on but he knows what he needed to. A smile flits over his face.

"Thanks, Simon."

* * *

He's told Simon a hundred times over that they won't be dropping him off on some planet. But it's Wash that's piloting Serenity away, leaving Simon behind to whatever fate. And he knows that Simon knows it, he knows that Simon's watching them leave.

He finds himself trailing behind Mal once Zoe has gone. He's heard the uncertainty and it gives him some form of hope. They can get Simon back, they won't just leave him there.

"Mal, we have-"

"Get back to the bridge, we're heading for Jiangyin."

Turns out he never needed to say a thing, all of this has been out of his hands anyway. But the relief that washes through him at Mal's words is premature. It doesn't matter that it's fine when it ends, that Simon's back on the ship.

The trust is shattered and it's suddenly much too far to go.

It doesn't show in anything that Simon does. But there's a closed off look in his eyes when Wash manages to catch them and the bridge is lonely again. All Wash can do again is wait.

* * *

When one thing stops, another can just rise up and keep going even stronger for all it's been through. But Zoe may be dieing and having Simon waiting there with him does nothing. It's not like the waiting on the bridge where it was usually just his own fevered imagination that had him imagining the worst possible outcome. No, the worst possible outcome is already here.

They've never crossed the line into physical contact he and Simon. So Simon's hand over his shoulder makes Wash jump, makes him rip his gaze from Zoe and up to Simon instead.

"She'll recover fine."

"Yeah..." He looks back to her. "If any of us recover."

Hesitation and a quiet 'yes' answer him. He forgets that he's not the only one who's losing here.

He looks up at Simon then follows his gaze across to River. He grimaces a little when he remembers. "I'm sorry, I-"

Simon's hand squeezes over his shoulder to stop him. "It's fine."

And it truly is. Not just that they'll get out of this fine. But that he and Simon are fine again. Amazing how a near death experience can bring out the best in people.

* * *

Wash has always known that Simon must have always had that 'decent criminal mind' that got River out of the Alliance. Whether he had help or not. Simon is devoted, courageous and intelligent. But Wash never usually thinks any of those things when he looks at Simon. He thinks shy and innocent. With his soft voice and near lack of anything approaching social skills.

He doesn't start really thinking those other things until Simon leads them in a plan onto Ariel. He had respect for Simon before and now he looks at him with admiration as well. It's the devotion he sees when Simon looks at River. And now that he's looking for it, he sees it when Simon is looking at him.

It's something that says, as much as Simon would go to save River, he'd go to save Wash as well.

As Wash watches Simon standing with the others, all grins, and their eyes meet for a warm moment, Wash thinks that he would do the same thing for Simon.

* * *

It's so incredibly wrong and they've gone much too far.

But Simon's lips are against his and Wash really can't remember when that started. Or which of them had gotten them into this position.

Simon is warm in his lap, with lips that are even hotter as they work against his. Fingers are tangled in his hair, bordering on painful, and Wash is beginning to suspect that Simon has gotten them into this. Even if his own hand is splayed over the back of Simon's neck and he hasn't done nearly enough to protest.

"Simon...Simon...Dung ee-miao..."

It's for several beats that they just stare at each other in silence, close enough so their breath mingles and it would take only the slightest tip forward to say hell with it and go back to the kiss. Simon breaks the eye contact before Wash can do that, his voice is quiet and Wash has to strain to hear him over their too loud breathing.

"The reason I came onto the space station was to cover you."

Wash takes a moment to process and still the most articulate answer he can come up with is 'huh?'.

Simon only seems embarrassed now that he's made his confession, ducking his head further, and Wash can feel him shifting like he's getting ready to leave. Or be told to.

"I wanted to make sure you didn't get hurt more."

Wash's hand squeezes light over the back of Simon's neck, still at a loss for what to say. He follows through with action instead and the relieved noise that Simon makes at the return of lips on his is more than enough to make up for the hell Wash will be going to later.

* * *

Wash talks too much sometimes and he knows it. He has an excuse for this time though and it's that he never could keep anything from Zoe for more than an hour. He manages about five minutes with this one before he's blurting it out, 'I slept with Simon', just like that, fast and out there.

She doesn't even pause in the reassembly of her weapons.

He stares at her but she doesn't react and seconds tick by. "...Zoe? Zoe, did you he-?"

"I heard," she interrupts him. She slams the clip into place on her gun and gets to her feet to face him. He'd be afraid except that he trusts Zoe and he trusts her to understand. Even when he himself doesn't. She always did get him better than anyone. But she still doesn't go further and they have a silent stare down.

"...And?" Wash unsurprisingly breaks it.

It still takes her a long moment to answer and it's nothing like what Wash would have been expecting, had he been expecting much of anything.

She smiles. "About time."

Wash stares. Gapes, really. "What?"

Zoe's eyebrows lift in amusement. "Two of you been dancing around each other for months, starting to drive the whole crew crazy."

"But...But aren't you...jealous or upset or...something?" He thinks that she should be, she should be yelling at him or punching him out. Not standing there like she doesn't really care.

"Do I have a reason to be? I trust you. Just don't make a habit of it." She holsters her gun as if to drive home the point of what will happen if he does. If he takes this thing with Simon too far past the casual.

If it is, then it works perfectly.

* * *

He and Zoe have had this conversation before and he always gives her the same answer, about their lives being too dangerous for a child. It always ends the same way as well, with no definite conclusion drawn and they let it fester for awhile later. Seems like Simon's brought a lot of changes to the usual way of things for him and he's just gotten slapped in the face with another when Zoe asks:

"Is it because of Simon?"

"Simon?" Wash repeats her because he's not really sure what else to do. She's waiting for more from him. Simon? He's never thought about it before and he's struck with the sudden realization that yeah, maybe it could be. And his continued silence is more than enough answer for Zoe.

"You fallin' for him?"

"Bao bay... I love _you_."

"That's not an answer." Which he knows but he doesn't know what to say. It's things he's never thought about and he can't work out the answers within a few minutes.

"And Simon wants Kaylee anyway so it wouldn't matter..."

"It matters. Show me."

"You're gonna have to explain that one to me..."

* * *

Wash is someone who will do anything for the people he loves. He went back in to Niska's skyplex for Mal. He takes Simon into his arms and does everything that he can to reassure him. He gives Zoe whatever she needs to make her feel okay with that.

So he loves Simon. It's not like the love he feels for the crew and it's not like the love he feels for Zoe. It's out there on it's own and it doesn't impinge on anything else. He needs to show Zoe that. And as unorthodox as anything is in their life, this just goes along with the trend.

"Wash, I don't know if..." Simon is trying to quietly protest and his eyes keep darting over to Zoe who watches them in silence. Wash cups Simon's face between his hands and kisses him soundly, hushing his complaints. He can feel the minute tremble through Simon's hands as they come to rest lightly at his waist.

"Trust me," Wash whispers as he draws back. And Simon does. He glances again to Zoe but he nods like Wash knew he would. Because Simon knows that he needs this. And they give each other what they need. Zoe is included in that now.

He backs Simon to the bed and they both go down to it easily. Simon is nervous but Wash's hands smooth it away. Gentle and caring but still entirely different from how it is with Zoe. It just takes showing her once before she understands.

* * *

They still sit together on the bridge. Supporting each other through whatever might come about. Through all the missions and the mistakes. Closer since Wash has spent next to all his time with Simon after he'd been shot.

They need that closeness now that both of their girls are out there on the mission. It takes awhile to calm Simon down and even then Wash knows he's still angry. Mal's pushed him too far this time and they sit with Simon on his lap and Wash's arms tight around his waist. Like he's trying to hold on to Simon but it doesn't do any good.

Wash isn't there when Simon announces that he's leaving but he hears about it later on. With Simon looking as guilty as he should be, arms crossed over his chest.

"Just like that? No warning, just... Just like that?" Simon flinches at the betrayal in his voice but he stands firm in what he believes is right and in what matters most to him. Like always.

"It's what's best for River. I can't let her stay here anymore."

Wash shouldn't be reacting like this. He knows that River comes first as Zoe comes first for him. But somehow Simon just...leaving for good hurts worse than if he had ever gotten up the courage to seduce Kaylee. You're not supposed to abandon your crew. Or your family.

He knows it's petty when he stands and walks off the bridge. He knows that it's really not the way he should have let things leave. It's the last regret he has.

* * *

Simon's hand rests over Zoe's shoulder. The others have gone in and it's just the two of them now. She looks at him but the only thing he can think to say is:

"I'm sorry." It's the closest he'll ever get to saying it to Wash.

She smiles, she understands, and he lets her thread their fingers together and lead them away from Wash's grave.


End file.
